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telescopical:

rosiebeck:

nxv:

primisthebomb:

I THREW A GRAPE IN THE AIR TO CATCH IT IN MY MOUTH BUT IT WENT TOO HIGH AND HIT THE CEILING AND THERE WAS A SPIDER THERE AND THE SPIDER FELL AND SO DID THE GRAPE AND THEY BOTH LANDED ON MY FACE AND I STILL HAVEN’T STOPPED SCREAMING

i read the first line in my head in the tune of call me maybe im so stupid

I threw a grape in the air
I went to catch it I swear
It hit a spider that fell
and now they’re on my face

i love tumblr

‎*Mom hands me phone to answer*

  • Me:

    Hello?

  • Telemarketer:

    Hello, is your mother home?

  • Me:

    I have no mother.

  • Her:

    Well can I speak to your father?

  • Me:

    Yeah, which one?

  • Her:

    Which one is home?

  • Me:

    Well they're both home..but I don't think you want to talk to Carlos. He just went through a breakup with his boyfriend, Antonio.

  • Her:

    Oh, so your fathers' names are Carlos and Antonio?

  • Me:

    No, no! My fathers' names are Carlos and Mark.

  • Her:

    So who's Antonio?

  • Me:

    I just told you, Carlos's ex.

  • Her:

    So Carlos was cheating?

  • Me:

    Yes, but that's only because Mark was cheating with Edith, our neighbor.

  • Her:

    So Carlos cheated only because Mark cheated?

  • Me:

    No, he THOUGHT Mark was cheating.

  • Her:

    So Mark wasn't cheating?

  • Me:

    I never said that.

  • Her:

    Yes, yes you did!

  • Me:

    No I didn't.

  • Her:

    Y-yes! You did!

  • Me:

    Did what?

  • Her:

    Y-you- Never mind have a nice day, goodbye.

lookatallthishitinevergetdone: ididthatonce: starkidonbakerstreet: caramelfeathers: vablatsky: Every fandom ever This gets better the longer you watch Barney is the fan who insists on complete silence and purity in the fandom.  Feels should not get in the way. Ted is the fan who is too emotionally invested in his ship and screams whenever they are on-screen. Lily is the fan who cries about everything that happens— even when it’s not the least bit emotional. And Marshall is the hate-watcher who is horrified with the whole fandom but can’t stop watching. And in that moment, I swear we were all Ted.
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lookatallthishitinevergetdone:

ididthatonce:

starkidonbakerstreet:

caramelfeathers:

vablatsky:

Every fandom ever

This gets better the longer you watch

Barney is the fan who insists on complete silence and purity in the fandom.  Feels should not get in the way.

Ted is the fan who is too emotionally invested in his ship and screams whenever they are on-screen.

Lily is the fan who cries about everything that happens— even when it’s not the least bit emotional.

And Marshall is the hate-watcher who is horrified with the whole fandom but can’t stop watching.

And in that moment, I swear we were all Ted.

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